Everybody Hurts
by SolitaryWanderer
Summary: We're all human. Therefore we're all susceptible to all the pain and hurtful feelings that life offers us, whether they are of the past or present. And Christmas Eve is no exception to pain... [JS in some parts] Chapter 3 is up.
1. Everybody Hurts

**Author:** Solitary Wanderer (Lis)  
  
**Disclaimer: **As much as I'd like to own the characters in Without a Trace, I do not. They belong to Steinburg, Bruckheimer and all the CBS people. I only own the ideas. (Don't own the Song either, it's owned by R.E.M.)  
  
**Everybody Hurts**  
  
_When you're sure you've had enough, of this life,  
Well hang on._  
  
Special Agent Spade frowned, running a hand hurriedly through her blonde hair that hung in her face. She was hunched over her cubicle, staring at the bright and happy picture of the beautiful caucation blonde girl who smiled brightly up at her.  
  
She bit her lip, trying to force back the emotions and pain that she felt begin to arise within her. One thing they hadn't really prepared or prepped one for this job, was to deal with the pain... the aching saddness one got from finding their Missing Person dead, murdered, raped...  
  
They hadn't done it. They hadn't made it this time around...  
  
The girl hadn't even had a chance.... She was seven years old and-and...  
  
She sniffed, and wiped a tear that threatened to run down her check away with the back of her sleeve. She couldn't do this. Not at work... She needed to be strong. After all... that's what she was. Strong, tough... She didn't need any sympathy crap from anyone else.  
  
Checking her watch, she saw it was 7:47pm, Christmas Eve... What a day... The day before Christmas and it had to be depressing.

_"You can't save them all. As much as we'd like to. We can't Samantha. We're only human..."  
  
_She knew like the rest of the team that they couldn't save everyone they looked for. It was impossible. The world was just too big, too unpredictable, too imperfect...

_Too human._  
  
Two years ago... two years ago this same day she had had the same kind of case. Missing person was a young girl, a young Mexican girl.  
  
They had worked on the case for two days, racing against time and a sick psycho. They had ended up finding the girl's body weighted down by weights, under one of the docks of the main Harbour.  
  
Two years ago... She gazed out the window in deep, nostalgic thought.  
  
She remembered that cold December Christmas Eve night as if it were present day...  
  
_"Samantha..." His low gruff, yet somehow gentle tone stirred her out of her daydream.  
_  
_"Yes Jack?" She looked up.  
  
He frowned, his dark eyes and eyebrows narrowing as he gazed into her eyes. He noticed deep, dark circles surrounding puffy pink rimmed eyes. "Why are you still here?"  
  
"Just looking over some old files..." Samantha said, dropping her gaze from his.  
  
He continued gazing at her. Crossing his arms, he looked down and a few of his longer bangs fell in his eyes.  
  
Samantha shivered slightly. Never before had she felt so insecure and like an open book to someone's gaze. She hated it when people tried to read her... She felt so open and... vulnerable.  
  
"Would you like to talk about it?" He asked, his voice gentle, trying to hopefully coax it out of her. Things like this, hard casesl ike this needed to be talked about. He of all people knew about that. If you allowed things to fester and grow inside without sharing, it could prove dangerous in the future.  
  
Samantha sighed. She wanted to talk about it... but whenever she tried talking about it to someone, she just shut down, either breaking out in tears or shutting up and never speaking of it again.  
  
Jack frowned, gazing at the empty traveling Coffee mug sitting beside her computer monitor. "What's that?" He asked. Reaching over, he brushed a few small bits and crumps onto his hand. "What's this?" He repeated, after not getting a response from Samantha.  
  
"My dinner." She replied, trying desperately to hold her tone, and keep her cool. How embarassing it would be to let her feelings out... especially to her boss. To Jack...  
  
"Looks like a cross between..." He held it up to the nearby light, frowning as he tried to find out exactly what it was.  
  
Samantha didn't respond to his attempt at a small ha-ha, so he placed it back on the edge of her desk. "Anyway, I wouldn't call that dinner."  
  
"What would you call it then?" She asked, raising her dark brown eyes to meet his own.  
  
Jack shrugged. "I don't know what the hell I would call it," he admitted. He paused, waiting to see if she would do anything else, but she merely looked down, not saing anything. So it prompted him to speak, breaking the growing silence. "Would you like to get some real dinner?" He asked.  
  
A slight smile appeared on Samantha's beautiful features. "That sounds nice." She admitted, in a quiet tone.  
  
Getting up off her swivel chair, Jack nodded. They decided on the place and grabbed their coats. As they walked towards the elevator Jack's hand found the small of her back, gently guiding her..._


	2. A Lugubrious Moment of Nostalgia

**A/N: **I forgot to add that this is my first WaT fan fic. I've been a fan of the show since season one though. I've read a lot of fan fics on here for it as well, but I've never written anything. Until now... So please excuse my writing if it gets kinda crappy.  
  
Please R&R  
  
o o o  
  
Watched... She felt like she was being watched. But she knew she was being watched all the time; with all of the video cameras and sensitive microphones placed everywhere it was an inevitable fact. One would be watched at all times.  
  
She had accepted that. But one watchful gaze she had grown awkward with.  
  
As she stood out up from her swivel chair, she could feel his dark, brooding gaze apon her. She glanced up, with her eyes only, and met his eyes for a moment.  
  
Something passed between them in that moment.  
  
Lust was not possible, love was not probable... Regret perhaps? Regret and deep sorrowful pain?  
  
Pain that both of them shared for each other, for the past... Yet they both also knew the hard truth. They could not be together.  
  
He was married. He had a wonderful wife, he had kids, he had... another life. A life without work. A life without Vivian, Danny, Martin and... A life without her. A life without same. A seperate life.  
  
She... Well... She didn't really know Marie, yet every time she was with Jack, she would always happen to gaze at the gold band on his finger... wishing... wanting... _longing_ for that ring to be the other half of her own ring.  
  
But what could she be thinking? He had a family. She had been selfish... Selfish and foolish to think that he would give it up for her.  
  
What had she been expecting to happen anyway?  
  
For him to drop everything? To drop his wife, kids and rush back to her, falling even more in love with her, confessing his love to her and dropping on one knee?  
  
She shook her head, biting her lip at how naive she had been. How foolishly stupid she'd been. She'd let her feelings get in the way of her intelligence. She'd let her heart get in the way of her head. Her mother had always said that she'd get in trouble that way...  
  
_"I like the winter."  
  
"I don't." Her voice was quiet, yet firm in it's opinion.  
  
He frowned slightly, his broodish expression replacing his nostalgic, youthful expression which he had had plastered on his face a moment before. "Well you sure picked the city to live in then."  
  
Samantha bit her lip and nodded.  
  
Jack waited, hoping for her to explain as he continued to walk beside her.  
  
She hated that... She liked it better when people pestered her. That way it gave her an excuse to tell them off. This way it was more... she felt somehow inclined and expected to answer.  
  
"My grandfather died in the winter," Samantha began. "He was such an old, wonderful man..." She smiled thoughtfully. "He would always tell me stories of his adventures around the world, make me things...  
"He would always keep secrets... things I couldn't tell anyone else. I spent a lot of time with him. But looking back... I wish that I'd have spent more."  
_

_They continued their walk through Central park, gazing at the scene before them. It was a scene that looked as if it had been painted before them straight out of a scenic Christmas card. All the perfect snow flakes flitting downwards, gracefully looping in and around towards their fellows which now littered the ground.  
  
Jack looked at Sam, waiting to see if she had more.  
  
"My first serious boyfriend also died that winter..." She continued. She hesitated for a moment, to see how he would react. His expression was the same though. "We had been at a Christmas party up in the woods. Everyone was there... There was drinking. I remember someone had brought eggnog." A faint smile appeared on her lips, "Someone had spiked it of course."  
  
Her smile quickly died. "It was snowing pretty good and everyone was starting to go home. I told him I'd go with my girlfriend, after he offered me a ride..." She inhaled a deep breath. "And I... I would have died if I had gone with him Jack..." She looked over at him and he reached out, putting his strong hands on her shoulders, bringing them to a standstill.  
  
Tears began blurring her vision. She struggled to hold them at bay. "We went down the mountain and found a collison on the roads... The roads were so bad though that..." She tried swallowing. "That the ambulance never got there in time. I found him wedged inbetween his seat and the dashboard. T-the steering column impaled him..." Her voice was faint now as tears rolled down her pale cheeks, freezing almost immediately.  
  
Jack embraced her tightly, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. Samantha burried her face in his warm coat and chest, shutting her eyes tightly.  
  
**"Don't let go Jack. Never let go Jack..."  
  
**After what seemed close to eternity, they both pulled apart reluctantly. Still seeing the tears shining in her dark brown eyes, Jack gently took his thumb and stroked them away. "Are you going to be ok?" He asked, his gruff voice suddenly smooth and gentle.  
  
He stroked some long strands of hair away from her eyes.  
  
"Yeah..." Samantha sniffed and nodded, her voice slowly becoming stronger. "Yeah, I'll be fine."  
  
Slowly Jack lowered his head towards hers, bangs falling in his eyes. He eyed her with concern.  
  
Samantha blinked, as if in a dreamy, dazy-like state. Things seemed to move slow as she moved to meet his lips. She gently shut her eyes and melted to his touch.  
  
Seeing his positive response, made her deepen the kiss, turning from a casual, gentle kiss into a deeper and more passionate kiss.  
  
His arms moved down to her waist, causing Samantha to feel the little shocks of electicity run along her.  
  
She wrapped her hands around to the back of his neck where she began combing through his thick, black-greying hair.  
  
When they couldn't possibly kiss anymore and had to come for a breath, Samantha's eyes had brightened somehow. They had seemed to achieve some sort of spark or light that wasn't there... or had been in hibernation for some time. She leaned against his chest to catch her breath. She felt elated and breathless as a wild rush of emotions flooded her mind, clouding her judgement. She didn't know what to make of it... but maybe... maybe those feelings for Jack had always been there?  
  
Samantha stepped back and cleared her throat, looking down at the snow that had formed on the ground since they had stopped.  
  
"I-I don't know what overcame me." She murmered.  
  
Jack smiled faintly, still feeling the volts of electicity that her lingering touch still had left on him.  
  
"Well it's late. I have to be going." She told him, looking up to meet his eyes.  
  
"I'll walk you home then."  
  
"Oh, it's not that far." Samantha said, shrugging.  
  
"I don't mind."  
  
She felt herself smile as she turned away from him, beginning to meander her way through the snow covered paths of Central park towards the North Park exit.  
  
He walked beside her, and gently looped his arm with hers as they made their way towards her apartment..._

She felt him watch her as she walked out of the Office towards the elevator. It was something she had grown accustomed to lately. It was something that she expected, but never really had gotten used to...  
  
She faintly touched her lips. Remembering all the kisses he had placed. She looked at her reflection in the mirrors that rimmed the elevator walls and began picturing tiny scars on them. Scars that would slowly fade in time... but never fully heal.  
  
Tonight, though, she'd be going home alone.  
  
_When your day is night alone,  
Hold on, hold on..._


	3. Dealing With It

**A/N:** I had to be hospitalized due to the blockage in my mind. Writer's block... sigh Still have a little, but well... here's what I came up with. There's one more bit that I think might be able to kind of finish tying it up.  
  
o o o  
  
_Don't let yourself go  
Cuz everybody cries  
Everybody Hurts  
Sometimes...  
  
Sometimes everything is wrong..._

The older supervisitory agent sighed heavily as he leaned back in his black leather, office chair. He rubbed his tired eyes, feeling them begin to sting from the lack of rest. But that was him, always working. The workaholic, getting ahead, striving for perfection.  
  
He wasn't sure what drove him, or what powered him. Sometimes he remembered getting home so late that he would have a shower and just collapse. If he was like that all the time, how on earth did he get his energy to move on from the aching pain, the mental anxiety and angst?  
  
He supposed that was why he was such a workaholic. He worked to get away from it all. Work was his shell, his support; the pillar that held him up, when everything else collapsed beneath him.  
  
Whenever something was bothering him, he would push himself to the brink and the very edge of the cliff, wanting to forget about it all.

He took off his reading glasses and set them in a desk drawer. He was about to close it, when he stopped, his eyes catching on something. It was a wooden frame poking out from a few paper documents.  
  
He pulled out the wooden picture frame and gazed at it in the dim office light. He brushed the back of his hand on the glass, brushing away a layer of dust that had collected over time.  
  
He inhaled a little too deeply as a wave of nostalgia overtook him.  
  
He attempted to swallow but felt a block begin to form there as the emotions began rising within him.

It was a picture that a photographer had taken of him and Samantha in Central Park. It had been spring then. From looking in the background, he saw the cheery, brightly coloured blossoms and newly formed leaves sit majestically in the background as the two humans stared intimately into one another's eyes.  
  
With a little bit of a shaky hand, he gently set the picture down, back in the desk drawer. He managed to swallow as he ran a hand through his hair.  
  
He would let it collect dust and slowly fade away... After all, that's what he had to do about his relationship with Samantha. He had to make his marriage with Marie work. He may not love her like he had when he had married her, but he would do his best.  
  
For the sake of his daughters. For Hannah and Kate...  
  
----------------

Vivian opened the door to Reggie's room just a crack. The light from the hallway filtered in, illuminating a sliver of it's luminescence apon the floor and up onto the bed. She quietly slipped into the room, as to not wake him.  
  
She sat on the chair for his computer desk and silently watched his rythmic breathing. She smiled for a moment, noticing just how young and innocent he was. Soon he would be thrust into the world where pain was abundant, love was little and innocence was pretty much no one. He would have so much to learn... 

She sighed quietly. But it was her job as a mother to be there for him, as best as she could.  
  
She got up as quietly as when she had entered and leaned over and gently kissed his cheek. She made to move towards the doorway when she heard the sheets rustle and a quiet voice. "Mom?"  
  
Vivan turned around. "Yes?"  
  
"Is Santa going to come even though there's no snow?" Reggie wanted to know. His worried expression almost melted her heart.  
  
"Look outside." She told him gently.  
  
He groggily rubbed his eyes and slid out of bed. Moving towards the window, his eyes widened as big as golf balls and became bright with wonder at the sight of the fair-sized snowfall out his window.  
  
"Wow! Can I go out and play mom?" He asked her, his enthusiastic, youthful eyes shining brightly.  
  
"As long as you bring a friend and dress warmly." She told him, nodding.  
  
"Wahoo!" He practically flew from the room, grabbing his winter coat, boots and mitts along the way. He ran down the hallway of the apartment complex and found the door of his friend, Jeremiah. "Jeremy!" He called, knocking loudly on the door.  
  
A few minutes passed before Vivan moved to the living room and saw the two boys run out into the apartment park next door. They immediately dove into the snow, doing snow angels, and making various things.  
  
She watched them, happy and sad at the same time. But the happiness overcame the saddness and a smile touched her expression...  
  
----------------

Shoving his hands in the pocket of his large trenchcoat-like jacket, Agent Taylor blew out an icy breath that immediately condensed and clouded before him.  
  
He headed down the Bronx alleyway, knowing that he shouldn't be there, but not caring.

He had been one of them once... He knew how to take care of himself. He was streetwise. Plus... maybe this place could do with a little christmas cheer. He knew he could anyway...  
  
His girlfriend had dumped him. Today of all days... He had always been too busy working and it just hadn't worked with her spacious, carefree schedule. But it happened to be like that for every girl he met. Right when he thought there might be some connection there, she broke it off.  
He sighed thoughtfully, running a hand through his thick black hair.  
  
He stopped in the alleyway and looked up towards the heavens. He had never really done so. He believed in God and creatism and all but never had he really looked at the stars. And he wasn't quite sure why he had gotten the sudden urge now, either.  
  
He heard a quiet patter of footsteps and glanced out of the corner of his eye. His eyes caught sight of a smaller figure walk past him.

He felt something gently brush his pocket and his hand latched onto the figure's wrist. "Where do you think you're taking that?" Danny asked the figure who now held nothing.  
  
"What? I didn't do anything Mr.!" The kid told him defiantly.  
  
"You picked my pocket." Danny said, a slightly annoyed look beginning to play over his features.  
  
"Uh... I..." The kid began, trying to come up with a good lie.  
  
"Don't lie to me." Danny told him, kneeling down a little so he could look into the face of the boy.  
  
The boy had bright blue eyes, curly blonde locks and looked no more than eleven. The Special Agent could tell that the boy tried to keep his tough look up, but in his eyes, he could see the fear struggling to be released.  
  
"I tell you what. You give it back to me and I'll buy you a nice Christmas dinner." Danny told him, in his gentlest voice possible.  
  
He almost smiled slightly to himself. This was how he had gotten out of stealing... He had tried to pick someone's pocket as a boy as well. And one time, someone had caught him. Fortunately for him though, they had given him a second chance and done something nice for him. The stranger had given him some cash in exchange for some directions.  
  
The fear in the boy's eyes diminished and Danny could imagine the kid's stomach start to growl internally. The kid was as skinny as a twig. Like most of the poor people living in the Bronx and bad end of town, he assumed that this kid didn't get a lot to eat. He would probably enjoy a hot meal.  
  
"Really? You'd do that after what I just did?" The boy's eyes were wide with uncertainty, but full of hope and relief.  
  
Danny smiled. "Everyone deserves a second chance kid. You just got yours."  
  
They walked down the alleyway, heading towards a diner that Danny knew would do wonders for this kid...  
  
_If you feel like you're alone,  
No, no, no, you are not alone_


End file.
